The Day I Knew I'd Lost Him (FICTION)

Graphic Design by Kay P. Beck

I don’t remember the exact day I fell out of love with him. Maybe it was somewhere in between his constant need for affirmation and coddling that I’d had the last straw. Looking back I’m not even sure if it was love, but I will say he taught me my capacity to nurture. For the entire month we’d been arguing constantly. The pettiest things would start an argument. I wanted Thai for dinner and he had a taste for Chinese. He wanted to lay up and watch movies while I needed to work. Don’t get me wrong, I understand no relationship is perfect. I should’ve known when I became more annoyed than excited at the thought of him that it was time to move on. On the contrary, I stayed. 

    He was a comfort zone. I knew what to expect even if it was nothing but eye rolling and fake orgasms. Our chemistry was off, but he was what I thought I needed at the time. A man was the missing piece in my picture perfect life. My event planning business was starting to take off and I was contemplating hiring more staff. The five of us were beginning to be stretched too thin. Hard work and word of mouth had worked in my favor and I had scored a few celebrity clients. I was even in the process of purchasing my first home, and Joe would be the icing on the cake. Well, so I thought. 

    A new NBA client was launching a new sneaker in Japan. He wanted me to fly out with his team to collaborate with the brand’s event planner to add his flavor to the design elements. I was a nervous wreck. It was my golden ticket. I knew if I could knock this one out of the park, then there was a good chance he’d tell his other friends about me.

      I’d been in Japan about three days working night and day. I’d been up since five that morning when around midnight my head finally graced the pillow. Just as I closed my eyes, my phone rang. It was Joe. I quickly did the math and realized it was 10am in New York. He was at work. It must’ve been an emergency. When I answered the phone he immediately jumped in complaining about some business meeting he’d just had and how much he hated his boss. I was in no mood for his whining. Out of exhaustion and irritation I told him to get his sh**t together. His response was enough to make me want to come through the phone.

    “Zora you know you shouldn’t curse. It’s not lady-like. There are so many other words in the English language. No need to use the foul ones.”

    That was it. The last straw. I was too tired to muster up the neck-rolling response I had in mind. I agreed and hung up the phone and didn’t talk to him the rest of my three week stay. The entire flight home I thought about the best way to break up with him. I’d had enough. He was a nag and then on top of that he had control issues too. It was too much.

    A couple days after I landed we met up at one of the cafes around the corner from my new brownstone. I thumbed through emails until he arrived. I wasn’t nervous, more like annoyed. I wanted to get it over with. He strolled in, kissed me on my cheek, and took a seat. I wasted no time. The sooner this was over the better. No small talk.

    “Joe I wanted to talk to you about us,” I said in a soft tone. 

    He smiled.

    “Um,  we’ve been bumping heads a lot lately and I think it’s starting to be too much. Maybe we should take some time away from each other and focus on other things. Like the possibility of seeing other people,” I said and paused for a reaction. 

    “You’re right,” he mumbled. For a few seconds I was taken aback. I wasn’t expecting his response. I was thankful for it, but shocked. Then I looked closer. His eyes didn’t read disappointment, but relief. Confused, I continued my spiel. 

    “You know, I really enjoyed our time together but…” I reached out and placed a melodramatic hand on top of his. I knew how much he loved a good sentimental mothering moment so why not give him one last one for the road. Before I finished my speech he jerked his hand back, then I saw it. The unfamiliar twinkle. It was similar to the one he had when we first met except it wasn’t my frequency. I saw her. There I was sitting there trying to end a relationship that had ended somewhere in my absence. She had a hold on him. I wasn’t angry, but thankful. He’d become hers. My work was done. I’d learned my lesson.

    Back then I was looking for a man to validate me. A successful relationship meant that I had beat the odds and it was really possible for a career driven woman to have it all. I made the mistake of looking for a knight in shining armor. It wasn’t worth the headache, and surely not the time. Chile, if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve dressed in all white, rented a horse, thrown on a cape and saved my damn self.